Random By Default

Get famous

2010-10-23T18:32:00.000-07:00

'No, you do not have thousands of years to live. Urgency is on you. While you live, while you can, become good.'
No Marcus, become famous.

The skies wanted a break

2010-04-17T15:58:00.000-07:00

The sky had never been as empty as it was today. There were no clouds in this deep fill of color, no exhausts marking the strong veil of blue. Just this powerful eye burning brightly at the city with all its visibility. It was quiet. It was bliss. No engines, no planes.

So much peacefulness resulting from so much chaos.
Chaos caused it. That forgotten element that can arise in whatever form at any time sending numbers flying, stresses rising and people crying. Little Jimmy wont be going to Disney Land this time. One of those complete meltdowns. And when it happens in one of the most populated cities in the world, that is when you get a very satisfying feeling. Like having the only bridge leading to town suddenly fall apart. You know its going to cause all kinds of exciting trouble. you just wanna send one big fat Nelson 'HA-HA' to every person it affects. Cause mother nature fucked you over, and it made me enjoy my day more.

But I was thinking about rules and tradition. Being stricken in society or religion.

We start with a cage containing five apes. In the cage, hang
a banana on a string and put stairs under it. Before long, one
of the apes will go to the stairs and start to climb toward the
banana. As soon as the ape touches the stairs, spray all of
the apes with cold water.
After awhile, another ape makes an attempt with the same
result—again, spray all of the apes with cold water. This
continues through several more attempts.
Pretty soon, when one of the apes tries to climb the stairs, all the other apes try to
prevent the act.
Now, turn off the cold water, remove one ape from the cage, and replace it with a
new one. The new ape sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his or her
surprise, all of the other apes attack it at beginning of the attempt. After another
attempt and attack, this ape “knows” that climbing the stairs, will result in an
attack.
Next, remove another of the original five apes and replace it with a new one. The
newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in
the attack with enthusiasm.
Now, replace a third original ape with a new one. The new one makes it to the
stairs and is attacked as well. Two of the four apes that performed the attack have
no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs, or why they are
participating in the attack on the newest ape.
After replacing the fourth and fifth original apes, all the apes originally sprayed
with cold water have been replaced. Nevertheless, no ape ever again approaches
the stairs.
Why not? Because this society of apes now operates on the basis of "that's the way
we've always done it around here."
That's how a culture evolves and perpetuates itself.
Sometimes we call it policy; sometimes religion; it is just how things are done in
this particular society.
In any case, it is powerful and self-perpetuating.

Theres more need for analysis and understanding in some cases. Not just adjusting and following.

Dr Jekyll and Blanche Dubois

2010-03-23T11:59:00.000-07:00

He took a seat, returning his attention back to his briefcase. It wasn’t long before the waitress approached his table. Henry wiped the beads of sweat from his forehead before he looked up at her.
“A scotch would please me; with an enquiry of a room for the night.”
She nodded with an expressionless face that was shared amongst everyone else in the room. As she turned away, Henry noticed someone facing his direction on a stool at the bar. In the dim light it was hard to fully make out her face, but she was extravagantly dressed in a white dress that stood out amongst what everyone else was wearing.
Henry didn’t spend long glancing in her direction and began to lightly scratch the top of his case with one hand; tapping his fingers on the table impatiently with the other. All he wanted was for the waitress to return with a key for any room. Just somewhere he could be alone for five minutes was all he needed it for. He didn’t intend on sleeping for quite some time. He wanted to enjoy the rest of the night and its life. But these appetites were not to be indulged as Dr Jekyll.
He heard the heels of a woman approaching and looked up with anticipation. But it was not the waitress that he was hoping for. Instead the woman in white was slowly strolling towards his table with her eyes unmistakably fixed on his. Henry could only guess of what her intention would be and with a sigh, gently pulled his case closer towards him. There was not much distance between them and before long she stopped behind the chair opposite to Jekyll at the table.
“Why good evening sir, how do?”
“Good evening. I am quite well and have already ordered.”
He was far away from home and much like Hyde, did not feel fully compelled to act with his usual politeness. That was a hard thing to accomplish towards a woman, however, and was certainly not in the nature of Henry Jekyll.
“I am glad to hear that, but I am not here to offer any service.”
Henry shook his head.
“How terrible of me to make such a mistake. Please forgive me, miss?”
DuBois” She pronounced delicately “May I have a seat?”
Henry tensed his toes. He hoped the waitress would return soon. Time was valuable to him. And though he did not have a problem with conversation with this woman, he knew that Mr Hyde would have more freedom with his actions this night. And it was with this knowledge that Henry became agitated.
“By all means, company was just what I was looking for.”
“Do not misjudge my intentions good sir, I merely wish to fill some lonely hours before I retire to my room. And your name?”
“I am Henry Jekyll. What a pleasure it is. ” He smiled, and reached into his side pocket for his cigarettes and matches. Removing one from the box and placing it into his mouth, he lit up his cigarette before shaking the flame of the match away into silky lines of smoke that filled the still and warm air around him.
“May I have a drag on your cigarette?” She asked
“Please take one for yourself.” He replied, handing her the cigarettes. “And allow me to light this candle. This room is too dim for my liking.”
“Please don’t!” She instantly responded. Henry stopped his movements. She cleared her throat before continuing. “Please excuse such an outburst, but I prefer the dark. I find it comforting.”
Henry found this to be mildly odd but chose to ignore it.
“I beg your pardon, in that case I shall leave it as it is” He returned the boxes into his coat pocket.
The pianist continued to gently release the varsouviana from his fingertips as it gently floated amongst the quietness of the room.
From what Henry noticed, through the poor lighting, was that this Miss Dubois was fairly young by appearance. She was well presented, and had a fox piece around her neck. But the way she had initially approached him with such elegance reminded him of the humble movements of his servants at his home, in complete service to the doctor and the house.
She lit her cigarette using matches from her purse before eagerly returning her attention to Henry.
“I do suppose I appreciate the darker side of things come to think of it.” He said, mostly to himself.
“I’m thrilled you could agree! I believe everyone should enjoy it every once in awhile. Understand and embrace it much like the way Sir Edgar Allen Poe does. But don’t get me wrong now. For the most part I am as light and pure as the snow that falls in winter. Why, my first name is even Blanche which is-”
“French for white?” finished Henry looking behind Blanche for any sign of the waitress.
“Indeed it is! Your knowledge excites me, Mr Jekyll. I knew you would be superior to the rest of these apes.” She giggled “May I ask what it is that you do?”
Henry found it obvious that she was trying to please him in some way. It was hard to tell what her intentions were. Indeed it could have been that she was just having a lonely evening and found some genuine interest in his presence. Just a traveler passing through on her way to visit someone, or part of a business trip. Or perhaps she was a regular customer that sat alone at the bar, listening to the pianist, waiting for someone much like Henry himself to enter before swooping in on them, dropping names and facts and giving stunning impressions to earn their trust for whatever imaginable reasons.
“I am a doctor by profession. A very successful one if I were to add, by which I mean that my work has been very fulfilling for myself and others.”
“How admirable! I’m just too sure that your work has been very life changing.”
“Indeed you could say that,” Henry was becoming impatient, “and is there a Mr DuBois with you this evening?”
And as if someone had turned on a light as he said it, her mood switched. The excitement from her face had gone, molding itself to that same emotionless expression as she tilted her head slightly down.
“No. There isn’t. He died, the poor boy.”
“I am greatly sorry to hear that.”
There was a moment of silence between the two, filled by the varsouviana playing from the corner of the room, as cigarette smoke crept around them.
“The gunshot. Then nothing.” She whispered to herself almost in a daze.
“Gunshot?” inquired Jekyll.
But Blanche swiftly pulled her head back up looking almost confused.
“Nothing Doctor,” she said reassuringly “I just remember it very clearly. Don’t go analyzing me for some kind of illness now, I can’t have you thinking that there’s something wrong with this woman.”
There was something wrong with this woman, he thought. Nothing about her seemed authentic and everything was forced. She was desperately trying to set a high image of herself but Henry sensed there was something darker within her.
“Please Dr Jekyll, talk to me. Tell me about your passions?”
He thought about what she would look like. How she would behave if she tried the mixture.
“Mankind and the intricacy of his dual nature.” Said Henry as he noticed the waitress returning from behind the bar balancing a drink on her platter. “The goodness and illness of men.”
“That would seem to be quite a passion, Dr Jekyll.”
He nodded lazily before she continued
“So I’m sure that you would agree that there should be only those that are completely good, much like your self, for they are the ones who triumph us into the coming ages and are certainly those who flatter the hearts of all women.”
“I do say that my own heart must disagree” Started Jekyll as the waitress gently placed the tumbler onto the table in front of him.
“There is a room if you want it this evening.” Said the waitress.
“I will take it, thank you.” Was his response and she nodded as she left the two at the table.
“You see,” He continued “what we know of man, with all of his multifarious morals and incongruous actions, is that he is constructed, of not just a singular element that infallibly becomes responsible for his behaviour , but indeed of two polar twins that are sadistically bound together within the field of his consciousness and soul. They tear and cry at him when he leaves one for the direction of the other. Both wanting to be listened to, that they may satisfy their needs being. The just and unjust, they are the good and evil desires within all of us; the passions that cannot be harmoniously joined together nor exist without the other. And be that it may that some certainly have incongruously permitted one to conquer the other to some certain degree, it is impossible to eradicate either of them completely.
So you must understand, miss DuBois, that there are no such things as those who are ‘only good, like my self’ and even you;” Jekyll began to slowly unbuckle and open the black case in front of him “Because everyone has a dark side.”

Jehovah's Witnesses

2010-02-28T07:54:00.000-08:00

JW: Hello! Good morning, sir. I hope we didn't wake you!

me: Oh, no. It's only 9am on a Saturday...

JW: Great. We're here to spread God's message, and...

me: Who?

JW: er.. God. We would like to invite you to...

me: Who is 'God'?

JW: ... uhm, the creator of the Universe, the One who watches over us and...

me: Wait, what? I was born a few miles away in a hospital. I have the pics, you want to see them? It's been there for years.

JW: No, God created everything, in the whole Universe, and we want to invite you to come to some classes to learn about His plan for you!

me: I don't think I'm interested in this. If He could do all that, I'm pretty sure He doesn't need me to do a damned thing...

JW: But, sir... turning your back on the Lord, you risk eternal Hellfire and damnation!

me: hmm... I see. Do the aboriginal tribes in New Guinea go to this Hell, assuming they have never met someone outside their tribe?

JW: Oh, of course not, sir. God would no do that! He is merciful!

me: ok... So, someone has to tell you about God, in order for you to go to Hell. Am I following?

JW: I suppose so, if you would just look at this...

me: When I woke up this morning, I have never heard about this God, then you rang my doorbell, to do what exactly?

JW: Tell you about God, sir.

me: ahh... So basically, you go from door to door, telling people a story, and if they don't believe you, they go to Hell, where as if I had never opened the door, I could have gone to the Heaven the fellows from New Guinea go when they die, is this right?

JW: But, sir...

me: Now, let me tell you a story... Now, this is a story all about how My life got flipped-turned upside down And I'd like to take a minute Just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air In west Philadelphia born and raised On the playground was where I spent most of my days Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool And all shootin some b-ball outside of the school When a couple of guys Who were up to no good Startin making trouble in my neighborhood I got in one little fight and my mom got scared And said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'

2010-02-19T10:03:00.000-08:00

Don't worry

2010-02-08T13:35:00.000-08:00

I'm just going to stay right here. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't need to go anywhere.

But if you want me I'll come to you.
If you need me I'll run to you.
And there's no one in this place that can change that.
And There's nothing on this planet that can stop it.
Because right now, this isn't my world. You are.

γνῶθι σεαυτόν gnōthi seauton

2010-02-08T12:00:00.000-08:00

Know then thyself, presume not God to scan;

The proper study of mankind is Man.
Placed on this isthmus of a middle state,
A being darkly wise and rudely great:
With too much knowledge for the Sceptic side,
With too much weakness for the Stoic's pride,
He hangs between; in doubt to act or rest,
In doubt to deem himself a God or Beast,
In doubt his mind or body to prefer;
Born but to die, and reasoning but to err;
Alike in ignorance, his reason such
Whether he thinks too little or too much:
Chaos of thought and passion, all confused;
Still by himself abused, or disabused;
Created half to rise and half to fall;
Great lord of all things, yet a prey to all;
Sole judge of truth, in endless error hurled:
The glory, jest, and riddle of the world.

-Alexander Pope

Be cool

2010-02-01T05:26:00.000-08:00

Going to bed at 6pm and waking up at 11am the next morning makes 17 hours of sleep my new record. I would say it's something im proud of if it didnt worry me so much. I mean, wtf. 17. I did however have very little sleep the night before, so it was repaying the debt. I was so hungry when I woke up and the first thing my mum said to me was "You're alive...?"

http://sophrosyne.radical.r30.net/wordpress/?p=3015#more-3015

For me, apatheia occurs naturally. I dont experience too many situations where I actually feel the need to meditate too hard in any way to accomplish it, but I wouldn't call it a consistent part of my personality. It's definitely noticeable when I feel the need for unconcern or harmonious indifference in groups, but then again this can bring about frustration. Either that, or merely humour me.

It partners with my laissez faire attitude, diluting emotional responses to people or circumstances. Losing my wallets in the past for example results with little, if any distress regardless of it's contents. I tend to forget about the event completely and not burden myself with any kind of concern or regret. I'll only consider the consequences of it; mainly being the replacement of my travel card. Having an Xbox 360 just burn out on you or putting a hole in your roof. Doesn't matter, it happens. No point in dwelling on it.

Furthermore, situations where I feel that there has been an unnecessary overflow of emotion can make me feel uneasy, shudder or turn away with disregard. I can't really help it. I'm sure many others could relate. It's a reason why I don't enjoy TV too much.

But as I said I'm not strict with apatheia, nor do I expect or desire it from others. People are how they are. I agree with being emotionally balanced and will always appreciate the bliss and sometimes sadness of myself and others. I understand that displacement or repression are mostly useless, but it still stands as a usefull side ability to deal with certain external events.

Perspectives

2010-01-28T12:54:00.000-08:00

http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/525347

They say that the chances of there being other life forms out there is constantly increasing. Space travel is just around the corner. Richard Branson is working pretty hard to make sure that everyone should be able to experience it one day. Next stop, Mars. Would suck if the world ended in 2012. Right when we just learn how to leave it.

Industrial influences. Electronic. Indie. Awesome band.

Freedom=Hapiness

2010-01-27T14:50:00.000-08:00

I wouldn't mind being apart of an indigenous tribe where happiness is so much easier to obtain. Free and honest, with no pressure of having a civilization accept you for what they want you to be. Just kickin it, going out hunting for food, swimming in a clear ocean and getting some crazy piercings.
hmm... I wouldn't like it for very long though. I'd miss the communications; where a huge amount of my information consumption comes from... INTERNET. I'd feel left out knowing that civilization is doing what it's always going to do: advance.
FUCK IT
I'd miss the skateparks. I can't believe I finally got to skate today, I actually got a rush going down the halfpipe. Winter can just GTFO now, im bored of it. I need summer again, I need that magical feeling it has where outdoors changes. You dont think twice about going out because of the cold. Get to enjoy the sun during the day then stay out all night. I just want to finish college now. Have the summer of my life with absolutely nothing to worry about.
I'm gonna make so many white russians.

2010-01-25T08:15:00.000-08:00

I won an award. The condition for receiving this honor is for me to en script seven particulars of myself into these chronicles of my existence. This log will hold these as such. I'd like to thank the academy.

1. Without nine hours sleep, I'm cynical.
2. I think I'd make an awesome cowboy.
3. I can draw a perfect circle, freehand.
4. I have a phobia of self harm. *but*
5. I feel disappointment if I haven't injured myself recently.
6. I trust my senses too much sometimes. They trick me.
7. I'm in love.
8. I like breaking rules.

2010-01-14T19:58:00.000-08:00

I want the pink mist

Then again...

2010-01-09T05:41:00.000-08:00

Not being concerned about anything is like living freely. I couldn't trust myself to live freely. I would take too many leisures, have too many pleasures. Wine, music, hibernation. After all, if everyone lived with the intention to just enjoy life not much would get done. That's where motivation and interest comes as a gift. I'm glad I have mine.
As for pleasures, I guess it's all about choosing the right ones at the right time. The ones that usually have little or no strings attatched, and even help benefit oneself are the best. Sport for example. An enjoyable activity that requires some form of stimulation and exercise. Or the best one that comes to mind, friendship. Social outgoings with your loyals.
But something like wine on the other hand, no matter how great, is always a temporary pleasure. The aroma, taste and intoxication is all but for a short period of time. Then you are left with the dark tounge, black lips and a headache if you have taken the right amount. The same idea goes for any kind of recreational substance. It always leads to the question whenever I'm preparing for something: What am I getting out of this?
Theres a piano scene in 'Rock n Rolla' that really stood out when i saw it last year.
'That that starts sweet ends bitter, and that which starts bitter ends sweet... And that's why you and I love the drugs.'
Pretty much sums it up.
It's lines like those that really give me a kick of motivation.

Wasnt me

2010-01-08T13:53:00.000-08:00

Then someone said,
"I'm going to hell for this."
I thought about it on the way home. Assuming that there is a chemical, physical explanation for all actions, destroying any idea of free will, then there really is no choice with the right or wrong decisions that we make. Having this deterministic view, the idea of there being a heaven or hell is illogical. For if we are not entirely held responsible for everything that we are judged for, then there is no reason for some to go to heaven and others to go to hell; other than the fact that the determined path that they are put on leads them to that place. I guess the idea is liberating, a highlight. Makes for a pretty good psychological understanding or excuse for the behaviours that people have. But it still is determinism, and even though the chance for there to be no real right or wrong is tempting, it doesn't replace the fact that people don't like the idea that their lives have already been kept in bounds. Theres something in the middle. I wanna work it out.

Some skaters stray off from the pressure to land the conventional hard moves off obstacles like sets, ramps and rails and remind everyone that they're actually having fun. Richie's one of the most creative pros I can think of and always pulls of something that will make me smile. He really reminds me of that guy I knew. It's a sad thought.

Platos cave

2009-12-27T13:33:00.000-08:00

If it were a valid representation, I'd doubt my ability to leave the shadows for good. Not right now any way. No matter how much I think I could; not wanting to peer through a veil of maya, but burn it. But I would probably blind myself if i tried.

The 29th Spirit

2009-12-22T07:04:00.000-08:00

A prince with command over 40 legions as a Grand Duke. With such authority he can behave mockingly with acts of pride and, being very powerful, be very dangerous to evoke. Without proper protection, it is said that his breath can leave the summoner unconscious and vulnerable. Appearing in angelic form mounted on a dragon he holds a viper in one hand.
He Has the ability to recall all things past and future, so can retell the story of creation and the fall of angels. Understanding that his exile from heaven was unjust, through bitterness, he will attempt to manipulate the powers and goodwill of those that evoke him; usually by seduction that appeals to self desire. He tempts the power of invisibility to help achieve this, similar to the story of Gyges. He can teach mathematics and sciences, answering any question presented to him. He can also give the summoner control over serpents and lead them to hidden treasures.

'Everything is backwards now, like out there is the true world and in here is the dream'

2009-12-19T14:02:00.000-08:00

People are asking me how good Avatar was. I can only look down and shake my head. I don't think I've ever been more impressed by a film. Even though in a couple of months I could be thinking about how silly it all was, the cinematic experience of it is going to be hard to top.
The CGI was flawless, with the 3D working out better than I expected. Based on visuals, it deserves 5 stars for setting a new standard. The attention to detail was incredible, making it clear how much effort had gone into the making, with a great sound track (including leona lewis. random) and invented dialogue for the Navi.
The characters were great representations of those in society, giving a really cynical presentation of our western cultures. It had messages on equality, the environment, resources and war. And even though the narrative did feel a little predictable and thin at times, the concept of a planet where everything is alive and connected through an energy was enough to make me feel like a tree hugging hippy and even consider Buddhism.
The Navi are probably the coolest aliens ever come up with. Their structure and physique were pretty humanoid, but inventive none the less. I guess it makes it easier to relate/sympathise and such with them.
You really get to know and appreciate their planet Pandora. A healthy, blue world where everything thats beutiful is matched by it's scale. With massive world trees, creatures and floating islands.
We just laughed as we walked out of the Imax, back to the cold, wet streets of London.
"Fuck Earth, man."

The Indifference

2009-12-08T12:52:00.000-08:00

Them Crooked Vultures

2009-12-07T08:00:00.000-08:00

Nirvana's drummer, Lead Zeplin's bassist and Queens of the Stone Age's lead can make some pretty descent music when you secretly put them in a room together. I guess it makes them a superband with that line up. They recently released their first album, but are apparently just meant to be a side project whilst their other bands are on breaks. It's good rock, with the instruments getting as much attention as each other. Nice mixes with no overlapping. Dave Grohl really unleashes it after all that time mucking about singing with the Foo, and Josh Homme doesn't stretch too far from his usual singing style which is good; it's like having more qotsa to listen to.

Days can't go by without them worshiping a celebrity in some kind of way. Theres too much attention on the young pop culture. Needs to be more on the older and wiser generations. I'd rather listen to a war veteran or John Paul Jones than some kid that got lucky.

Lucid

2009-12-01T12:47:00.000-08:00

I ask myself, then consult, what do I want?

The moon always reminds me of how much I love to sleep. How much I need to sleep. It would be such a calm card if not for the canines that march each sides of the path. These are the things and people in everyday life that need attending to; the conscious of reality. Excited, upset, they howl to the moon for it's attention or guidance. But the cries only aggravate the moon. It doesn't want to wake. It's more occupied with looking deep down within itself for answers.
Just leave me alone.
I'm happy here, asleep, wandering up that path that leads into the dark abyss of my dreams. I can escape from the pressures of life there. Entranced, I can float in the energy of the moon, travel to any place, be free in a world without limits.
But as relieving as this dimension is, it's not the real one. And if i stay too long here I could forget that there is still so much more to do and learn in the physical world.
I wake up to the dog barking. It shouldn't be a bad thing. If I sleep for too long I could become detached, separated like the two towers, from my physical body and others. Who knows where to draw the line before imagination and creativity simply becomes delusion?
So what do I want?
That time to myself. Monday mornings off. More dreams, recreation. Inner understanding. More time to be creative. These aren't what i need however. And although I can have them, it must be in moderation.
Maybe it's time to pull out my old dream journal.

The Automaton

2009-11-28T08:13:00.001-08:00

We have our bodies
We have our minds,
We have our souls so sacrafice.
Fell from above, we all can stand;
so we'll march to freedom with blood stained hands

We share, together, these sights and pains
As we fall so deep to our greatest bane.
Joining the ones before us all screaming names
You will leave me here, buried in flames.

They broke our backs.
We lost our minds.
Theres no will left for those to fight.
We sank, together, beneath the oceans sand;
and now all that remains are these cold, blood stained hands.

Seperate

2009-11-17T09:51:00.000-08:00

G|-----------|-----------|---9-----9-|---8---9/8-|
D|---4---4---|---7--7-6--|-----------|----------9|
A|-----------|----------7|-----------|-----------|
E|0/2--2--2/0|2/5-5------|5/9--9----9|0/7--7-----|

For those that don't have the capabilities to pursue individualisation, or simply just dont know who they are, there are many alternatives on the market that you only have to pay for. There are people out there that are willing to sell anyone an identity. Aggregated images, symbols, clothing, to give one a sense of belonging and meaning. The great thing is that anyone can do it. Anyone can dress and behave like a punk, hippie, gangter, or goth and feel satisfied that they are apart of a sub-group where they are not alone. If everyone on the football team chooses Nike footwear, then why would you choose anything else? It's in our nature to stick together. We survive that way. But stepping back, is there a need for quality when I make clothing decisions, or identity? Would I feel more inclined to skip college if im outfitted as an anarchist?

Maybe I should just wear suits everywhere. Make me behave more appropriately, get more respect.

My skater sense is tingling...

2009-11-14T14:04:00.000-08:00

Before, the only street spots that i would even consider skating around here are Morrisons and the local resident roads. They arent the greatest spots, but with the skateparks further away, sometimes you have to get creative with what you've got. I'm always naturally on a look out for anything skatable. A curb, slight banks, stairs, anything. But as I walking through the new LIDL car park today, I finally found it. The Eldorado of Edgware.

A generous sized pavement for a manual pad, with a transition starting low and ending at a nice height to drop off. If, there wasn't some dick parked in the way. But it gets better...

Fat, lengthy metallic rails on the ground. TWO of them. Just sitting there. God knows what they're for... EXCEPT NOSEGRINDING!!

The tar was so fresh on the ground i could still feel my feet stick to it. Smoooooth. Perfect for practicing some flat ground. They close at 4pm tomorrow. It's not too much, but it's as good as it gets around here. I gotta call the guys out for this one. We're gonna tear it up.

2009-11-12T14:01:00.000-08:00

Sitting in band practice questioning why in the world i was stuck in a room with a bunch of greys slowly dragging along a drum beat to that fucking new foo fighters song. I couldn't believe the singer chose it. It sounds bad enough when the foo play it. We had to drop the tune just so the singer could reach it; and even then the sounds that grinded against my eardrums when he released the high notes made me momenterily hit part of the kit, mainly the crash, really hard to mask them. The rhythm was having trouble finding the rhythm, the lead didn't know the main riffs of the song and the bassist just sat there looking at the ground wanting to die. At least i knew i wasn't alone.
"Come on Josiah, what do you think? You're the young rocker"
"It sounds great."
Young rocker. He'll be calling me a grunge next, or wanting to play smells like teen spirit.
Then they dropped it on me, made every beat i hit worth while.
"Some one really liked how we did last time. We've been offered to play at a venue in the future, plus a wedding"
One-thousand-pound-sterling. Cash. For one night. Thats two hundred split. Plus the chance to have a regular venue to play at. I smiled. Then I laughed. Thought about how I could really get into that. I'd have to practice a whole lot more and it could get in the way of college, but at least id finally be able to call myself a professional musician.
I happily counted us back into the Foo.

'WHEN THE WHEELS COME DOOOWWNN!' what happened to these guys?
I played my beats, made them neat. Saw my life through the face of a drum skin.

2009-11-08T09:29:00.000-08:00

It's where the heart is

2009-11-04T13:06:00.001-08:00

Managed to upload those pictures of my summer holiday today. My 12 days back in Australia for the first time in 7 years. Kinda like being locked away in a time capsule.
It was pretty surreal as we landed, I was finally going to be able to re-dicscover my homeland. I wasnt sure what condition I was expecting all the places of my memories to be in. I wasnt sure if it was going to be a place that had forgotten me, or just how i left it.
I was amazed when we drove to our old house after we left the airport. The old Ingleside Baptist church on Powderworks Rd. The church that my dad ministered on Sundays, and where we lived on the ground floor underneath for the first 9 years of my life. I had a rush of nostaliga as if I were on a trip. All the fine detail that I noticed in the environment triggered some reaction in me. Nothing about it had changed. It was all still the way it was.

The very first place I had to see was next to the church. We had tall playground equipment, as well as hundreds of acres of bush surrounding. Alot of people I know grew up playing on roads, parks. I had a big fucking forest. I ran into it, tripping over various branches and plants, getting up, laughing at how good I used to be at navigating this place with ease. The playground was just what all the other kids knew of and had to play on after Sunday school. I left it far behind. After a few minutes, i found it. That magical place we used to go to. That sanctuary.

Maybe it did seem slightly smaller, but the feeling it gave, right down to every scent, was the same. There was the massive eucalyptus that forked out into different directions, reaching up higher than other surrounding trees. Hollow, so we could stand inside and write on the walls. The great rock formations that edged themselves out of the ground, trailing off into the bush with different sizes, all aiming at different points. We would leap from one to the other over the deep gaps between. The caves underneath the rocks, where we could sit away from the sunlight. The branches that we could swing off like creatures. All the colours. The sand rocks. Large and small, they were our furniture. Rainforest plants. Civilisation of bugs that i used to know all the names of. It was that place that we just ran to whenever we wanted. That place that no one else knew existed, and so it was ours.

It was so fucking sick.

Damnation is style

2009-11-02T12:15:00.000-08:00

Was on the prowl for some new music when i came across these guys.

With all the elements of death metal, quality sound and tones with just amazing riffs and beats, they really scratched the itch i had for some breakdowns. The amazing thing about them, is that they're actually a christian band. Everything they growl about is from the scriptures. But rather than dull down the whole sound, with the vicious vocals it really adds to it. They come out with lines about how you're gonna be condemned to the fires for eternity n shit. It sounds so brutal.

Phhhhhhhhaaaaaat breakdowns. They bring it down so slow. Such a sic guitar. Drummer just blasts away. I'm gonna wake up with a sore neck.

Banana phone

2009-10-30T11:19:00.000-07:00

Late at night when everything around me is still, I can still hear passing trains and cars. I can still hear the trees in the wind, the creaking of my house. The worst thing i hear is the ringing. The ringing in the ears. All the years of bashing away on drums, turning the guitar amps up to 11, all the loud music and shows. feels like it all added up. I went and asked about it to the doc, he found a perforation in my ear that apparently could have been there for some time. a small hole in the skin before the eardrum. It heals eventually, but made the point that there was definitely some damage. The ringing that apparently everyone hears from time to time is tinnitus. When closed into a sound proof room one can easily become aware of it, but for me it seems slightly more evident. It's the worst thing ive had to get used to when trying to sleep, and is just generally annoying. I try to replace the absence of noise. doze off to music, a film, anything. I dont like silence. I hate the silence; because for me, there never really is any.

I love it when i see a skater take a new approach to skating. Really mix it up a bit. William spencer is the kind of guy that isnt afraid to break away from the more conventional methods of skating. He really experiments. I mean, a lot of the stuff he pulls off will include more that one board. He'll start a line not even on his deck, but jumping into tricks or grinds which a lot of skaters would think to be a cheap way of doing it, but i think he pulls it off in style. Maybe it's his character, I just love the way he psyches himself up for a trick. "DO IT!!"
It's an awesome mix of parkour and skating.

Big boned bad boy

2009-10-28T13:37:00.000-07:00

I love the reactions that i get during a reading for someone that has little knowledge of the tarot; especially when I flip up the Death card. Guys just say 'wicked', but the girls freak out. With good reason, anyone unexperienced with the symbolism would assume that some kind of life is going to end. Which, at first, I love to say is theirs. "Shit man... this doesn't look good."

It really is a beautifully structured card when looking at it. And is a great example to remind that within every bad appearing card is also a lot of good.
Charging in, he has just taken the life of the king who lays fallen beneath him, crown seperated from his head as a reminder that when death comes, all material posessions and powers are meaningless. There is a duality of colours amongst him. Light and dark, life and death. He is presented as a skeleton, entombed in the dark armour of death, showing what remains after the decomposition of life. He holds a flag with a white rose representing the purity of life and freedom. But which is again, surrounded by the darkness.
Behind the characters is a barren wasteland, except for the new plants of life sprouting from the ground. The sun rising behind the kingdom. These symbolise that that it is a new day, now there shall be a new king. a new cycle is about to begin. Life is like the stream surrounding the towers. It just carries on. These are the positive messages beind the card. Once something ends, it is always to make room for a new beginning.
Can't wait to get my new skateboard.

The Sergent

2009-10-27T10:33:00.000-07:00

On the train to Uxbridge with my friend, working out a puzzle game on his nintendo DS when a huge guy sitting next to us asked us what it was that we were playing. I glimpsed at him, noticing the camouflaged bag next to his booted feet. We explained the videogame, before I guessed that he was a soldier. He nodded.
"Sergent."
He had just returned from afghanistan and was spending time to see friends in London before he was to be sent back again. He was the C.O of a special forces unit of the Royal Army. He had previously been assigned to 15 different operations. He had been almost everywhere in the Middle East. He was Irish. His name was Phillip. He had no doubt seen some kind of action.
As we sat there talking to him, all I wanted to do was hear stories of his accomplishments in service, the close relationships he had with his small team of elites, the state of mind a soldier has to adapt under different situations, the feelings you have or don't when given a gun and forced to use it. He was definitely the highest ranking and most experienced soldier i've ever come across. But it was no excuse to ask him about some of those things. I was trapped within my own curiosity.
He spoke softly with gentle eyes diverting his attention to the outside of the window as he told us some fun highlights he'd had. Upon just finishing an operation with his team at night, they began to head back to base. They were a good couple of miles away before they realised that there was an American H.Q along the way. Him and a few of his men snuck into it, un-detected, before breaking into an office and filling out a requisition form for rations and supplies. They forged an officers signature from another form on the desk, before approaching the supply warehouse and handing over the papers to an American sentry. The American accepted it, and they recieved everything that they filled out for. We laughed and remarked how stupid the yanks were. Must have been a great meal for the ride home.
"It's a lot of fun," he said "there are always the good times if you have a good bunch of lads. But then there are always the bad times."
I couldn't take my eyes of his strong stride as he, along with all the answers, walked away from us at the station.

Metal Muff

2009-10-26T06:44:00.000-07:00

The Metal Muff with Top Boost from Electro-Harmonix. Probably what would seem to be one of the most extreme pedals out there right now. Guaranteed to help enrage a tone with a kiss from hell. Without needing any kind of amp modification, this thing offers a great selection of distortions ranging from classic 80's crunch to a brutal modern death metal sound, or just a clean setting if the if it all begins to become too much. The option for top boost is perfect for live performances, enabling a lead to cut through the others for solos. All in all, it looks to be a pretty useful pedal. Just what i need to translate my Peavey and Marshall stack into the sound that I really want. It could very well be what I've been searching for. We needs it.

How could I ever go back to settling for 'normal'.

Lemon eggs

2009-10-24T05:54:00.000-07:00

Waking up with a scorching pain from cuts on my arm, blood on my shirt, pounding ache in my lower back and a pulsing headache. Must have been a good night. It's gonna be water all day today. That, and something else to help get me through.
This is one of my favourite omelette combinations that i came up with myself. A while back, I discovered the wonders of lemons or lemon juice and the undoubtably tangy-sweetness and moisture which together add a new element of ZING (as i call it) to a dish. This makes it almost always present whenever I cook now. Contrary to what one might think, this quick and easy meal is actually amazingly good.

3 eggs
lemon juice
tomatoes
mushrooms
that white cheese stuff
salt
any kind of herbs

It's simple enough. Crack open the eggs, then beat up those chicken phetuses with a fork. Add, oh, I don't know... a good couple of caps of lemon juice, adjusted according to taste. I just tip in a lot. A few pinches of salt, then I just throw in anything thats green from my backyard into it. Chives, Rosemary, Sage, Oregano, whatever isnt dying from the cold. It helps to chop or break these up before putting them in, to really bring out those all-so-awesome flavours of the plants. Slice up some mushrooms and tomatoes, slide them in, then spread the mixture evenly across the frying pan. Add any kind of peppers at this point if mum remembered to buy any. Wait for the underneath to cook just enough, then sprinkle some of that white cheese stuff I have in my fridge sometimes before putting the frying pan under the grill till it all goes golden brown. Indulge in the lemony goodness. Drink more water. Realise its shit outside. Carry on reading 'The Road'. Ignore any phone calls. Write a blog entry.

Gremlins

2009-10-22T12:13:00.001-07:00

I had my progress review with my form tutor today, which is basically a small interview with your tutor to see how well you are doing with the course. Attendance, punctuality, handed in work and attitude are all assessed and rated on a scale from 1-4. 1 being very good, 4 being very poor. I didn't get any 1's.

My tutors name is Geraint, he's also my film teacher and is one of the coolest i've had. Theres always something about film teachers. Whether it be the great movie conversations you get to have with them, or the fact that you know that they must have smoked a lot of something when were younger.

Theres just this vibe about him, he reminds me of a gremlin. I mean, theres something seriously wrong with this guys fingers. They're all swollen and cracked with simply no continuity amongst his decayed nails. It looks like he has garbage bags under his eyes, but has a charming smile save the moles that dot his features. Awesome hair. Thats to be expected though. Hes quite curious, and will sometimes behave very awkwardly and even stutter. However, his knowledge of the subject is really something else.

I sat behind him, waiting for him to start writing something on my report. When he did...

I know for a fact he doesn't need glasses or anything. His nose was right in the keyboard, tapping away at it with JUST his two index fingers. The way his back was arched was priceless. I couldn't let the moment go. I love this guy.

FFFFffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...

2009-10-21T12:56:00.000-07:00

So I did a three card draw combination reading which is basically three cards that chronologically lead on from each other. The question I had in mind was, "What problems should I look out for in the future?"

The eight of swords. Depicts a young person bounded, isolated from civilisation by a cage of swords. Represents Severe limitation and restriction. This leads on to the three of swords. Pretty fucking grim card. Has a sense of loss, conflict and sorrow. That then leads on to five of cups to complete this nice n gloomy combination. Symbolises regret; causing distraction.

It's a reading that would suggest I need to start releasing myself more, break free from any restraints that might be holding me back, whether they be psychological or situational. Otherwise I could spill some cups.

It's monday

2009-10-19T05:31:00.000-07:00

Someone in front of me in the canteen was becoming overly upset because they were given a cheese and chicken toastie instead what they had claimed to have ordered, my personal favourite, cheese n' bacon. It was like this person had waited for this moment, the opportunity to say that this single canteen lady was wrong. All this tension built up, finally released. The baby had it's bottle.
I read in the metro paper that in terms of proportion, the Earth is nothing but a dot within a dot within a dot within a dot.. within a dot. Futility. collectively, humanity has so many endeavors, but with such minimal and lasting effects. Guess you gotta keep your feet on the ground though.

Makes me think about that game i just played, that trick i just layed, that song i just made.

I made that bitch sure mine was cheese n' bacon.

Drumming for leucemia

2009-10-17T06:53:00.000-07:00

Drumming for drinks? Any day. We were served a pretty good complimentary meal too. And even though it was meant to be a relatively mournful occasion, it didnt stop everyone from knocking a few back and having fun. We played a good show, i guess. By the end of our set, i had a total of 5 panties hanging next to me like trophies.

someone smeared nutella (i hope) or something on the inside of one, but just to be sure i left them alone. I guess leucemia affects people in different ways.
All in all, we managed to help raise quite a bit of money for a cancer fund. Which is nice... I don't mind doing that. Just wish i could get payed for once, so I can finally call myself a 'professional musician'.

London travel prices are going up again. They just can't leave it alone. I remember back in the days when you could get on a bus for 40p. Now unless i have my student oyster, it's gonna cost 1.20. But it's the tube prices im most pissed off about. 2.40 for a single. Fucking capitalists.

Caravan life... so depressing. I got to see the paddingtons recently, then downloaded one of their albums. mostly fillers. They're quite entertaining on stage though.

Blast some beats

2009-10-15T13:43:00.000-07:00

Band rehearsal today. We've got a show tomorrow for charity. A mother died of leucemia, so we're gonna rock out for a bunch of family and friends. Not sure how that works. I try to keep the groove on drums, but it can get quite boring when all your band members are 50-something and just wanna play rock n' roll. On the plus side, they are professional musicians so it's a great experience to practice with them. One was the bassist for Freddie Mercury, but still remains to be hetrosexual, whilst our lead guitarist has opened for many other popular acts, as well as having a successful music career. He also happens to be my dad.

I pay alot of attention to drummers live on stage, you can learn so much from what they do. Beats, fills, ect. But fuck this guy. He's the fastest out there. I would dare anyone to find someone better.

Cell your soul

2009-10-14T14:36:00.000-07:00

Thinking about genetic make up and how we age; physically and mentally. The idea that we are not the exact same person as we were, say, three years ago (the maximum amount of time that a cell has to live in our body). If this is the case then it stands to reason that in another year or so you will once again be a different person to the one you are now. This means that through life there will never be just a single sustaining you, but many selves.

The only thing that links you to your past existence are your memories. Everything that you acquire through the process of experience. Everything that you know about yourself. But since memories are nothing tangible, how can we be certain that even they exist? To forget your past is to almost deny yourself of your past existence. I could have been such more of a better person once. But maybe I forgot how and why.

Shit.

Concrete Poetry

2009-10-12T10:45:00.000-07:00

I was let off class early today so I decided to take the opportunity to skate with what little good weather we have left before autumn. The sun was out as it lit up the pavements and make the sidewalks glow. A sight ill soon miss. I 'ripped it up' with my friend on his road, our favourite spot, just shooting the shit and landing the trick; like we've done for years.

Some skaters are real artists, using the aesthetic activity to fluidly express themselves to the point where they have such style and grace that it actually becomes an extension of their personality; something that allows individuality to separate some of the best skaters from others.

I want to be a poet, with the ground as my writing desk.

Bondi

2009-10-11T13:12:00.000-07:00

I caught my friend on the bus today; she explained how beautiful she thought my girlfriend was upon meeting her some weeks back. Apparently she was astonished. I couldn't agree more with her, except for the bit about her being surprised. I'll never know exactly what she meant by my past 'plain girls' standards.
My older sister gave birth to her first child last night in Australia. She gave him the name Bondi, meaning 'the sound of breaking water' in the Aboriginal language. I'm afraid distance will keep me from meeting the little guy for quite some time.

The Fool

2009-10-10T13:58:00.000-07:00

This first post is my interpretation of the first card of the Tarot. Tarot is a means of divination that i have always found fascinating upon discovery in my late years of high school. The concept of using symbolism within 72 cards to help someone recognise aspects and issues in their life has made this esoteric deck therapeutic for me at times. I do not, however, believe that there is any supernatural element to them; Even though it has proved to be fearfully accurate in my experience.

From just looking at the card, you see can young care free traveller looking to the sky. He ventures off into the world with his clothes on his back and a flower in his hand. He thinks he has nothing to lose and anything to gain. It is argued that The Fool doesn’t have a place in the tarot deck, numbered 0, being both the beginning and the end. Naive, blinded by dreams, he obliviously walks to the edge of a cliff, with only his barking companion to try and stop him. Extravagant, impetuous, indiscrete, careless.

Looking up at the clouds instead of realising whats happening here back down on Earth, we are all The Fool sometimes.